I've hit a wall. A wall with a big sign plastered on it. The sign reads, "I DON'T CARE". Which is really quite unfortunate because I've got some pretty important things I need to get done.

It is now Thursday March 29th, 1:26am

Exhibit A: FnM exec interview at 12:30pm today. I need to have a proposal and 2 creative components ready. What have I done? Nothing.

Exhibit B: AC job interview Friday at 4pm. Have I done any prep work? Nope.

Exhibit C: Big BDM assignment due next week Wednesday. What have I done? Nothing.

In my defense, I have already accomplished a shit load of other things this week. I've run out of steam. I really just want to go to bed. Unfortunately writing complaints on my blog is not helping with anything, it just makes me feel even worse because I've officially wasted 2 hours.

And now I remember why I stopped trying. When you put so much effort and heart into something, the unwanted outcome can be so painful.
Also, I hate that feeling of being needy. I can operate perfectly fine by myself, thanks.

In other news...
Working in Muskoka for 2 months! Yeeeeeehboi. Cottage country job, here I come!

Hello old friend,

I'm not going to lie, I'm not very pleased with your return. I was doing so well without your presence. I was relaxed, I was happy. For a good 2 weeks, I was able to escape from your grasp and focus on two things that make me extremely happy: dance and frolicking in the outdoors during beautiful weather. But now you've come back and reared your ugly head. Is it just me, or did you get even uglier since the last time we met? Did someone pour chloric acid all over you and then roll your degraded remains in a pile of putrid garbage?

Honestly, friend, I am so very tired. I cannot keep up with your demanding schedule any longer. I've already entertained you for about 5 days, I just might explode from your presence should you continue to demand my attention. I am allowing you to stay over for another 2 days, after which you must leave for at least 3 days before your expected return... although I'd appreciate you not returning at all, I have a feeling you're not going to offer me that alternative.

But seriously, Stress, I'm really getting sick of you.


With the utmost loathing,

Stefanie

I don't know.

My fashion and dance showcase is coming up in a mere 2 days.
I'm SO excited.
Not because I get to dance, not because I get to model, not because the stage lighting and effects make everything look so effing cool, but because I get to share an amazing experience with an amazing group of people... and because the show is going to blow everyone's minds away (of course).

I think joining Fashion 'n' Motion was the best decision I've made this whole entire school year. Yes, it's A LOT of commitment, time dedication, and hardwork, but in the end it's all worth it because I've met so many enthusiastic and fun people, learned so much about dance, and was able to put all of my heart into something that I love.

I don't care that throughout this whole week, almost every single one of my waking hours has been and will be dedicated towards the show, I love it. I love the thrill, the energy, the excitement... although I could pass on the sleep-deprived agitation, the embarrassment of not knowing my choreography, and the constant fatigue. Oh well. Sacrifices.

My Sundays will be so bland and boring after our show is done.

WHAT TIME IS IT?
FASHION!
WHAT TIME IS IT?
MOTION!

I remember reading somewhere that if I want something, I need to stop waiting around for it to approach me. Instead, I need to throw myself out there and try to grab it myself, because if I idly wait around for it, something less pleasing, a consolation prize or nothing at all, will throw itself into my hands, and the 1st place that I was eyeing will slip away to someone else. Be the chooser, not the choice.

Through experience, I've come to realize that nothing is going to beg for my attention, nothing is going to give itself to me without me fighting for it at least a little bit. If I really want this something, I need to pursue it and not let go. If I really want this, I can't just back off when things don't seem to be going my way. Persistence is key... but at the same time I need to know when enough is enough. There's a fine line between persistence and creepy annoyance.

So here's me setting my sights on a goal, here's me throwing myself out there, here's me all set to be the most persistent little girl you will ever see... without being overly forceful. Here's me trying for something that I think I really want.

Let's hope it goes well.