Define Your Thoughts

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Equilibrium

I think with every couple that breaks up, two people get together, and vise versa.
It makes sense. Everything in this world has to have equilibrium.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Prom, Schmom.

The more and more I think about it and the closer it gets to the date, the less I want to go to prom. Prom has never been a really big thing to me. Sure, it's nice, it would be fun, all my friends are going, it's the biggest event in highschool, the "night to remember", but honestly, it's just a jazzed up version of semi formal. It's seriously over rated ... And expensive.

Just the ticket to go to prom is anywhere from $70 - $90. Then there's the addition costs of dress, transportation, hair and afterparty. Now since it's me, hair and afterparty can be ruled out, so there's dress and transportation left to finance. Where the heck am I going to get the money for those? I always feel guilty asking my parents for money to finance these things, because I know that a lot of cash already goes to me for so many other things. I know for a fact that my mother would love it if I just wore one of sister's old prom dresses. She's already suggested it 20-odd times after her inital statement of "ai, prom dresses are ridiculously expensive. They're not worth it, you'll wear it once then never again. That's what happened with your sisters' dresses." Everytime she does that, it makes me feel more and more guilty and unhappy. So for all you skeptics out there, being the youngest of 3 daughters has it's downfalls too.

Then, there's this notion that you HAVE to have a date for prom. I never really minded going solo ... Until all my friends started making a big deal out of it and finding dates. Honestly, I still don't understand this need for a date. But now that everyone has, or is looking for one, I just feel awkward. As one of my friends kindly explained to me, "you can't go solo! Only fat chicks go solo!" So what now? I guess I'm a fat chick. Eh, it fits. Maybe I should stop being so complicated and just accept that one offer (if it's still open) and be done with. Then I won't be the odd one out. "one of these things is not like the other!" (8)

What's pissing me off the most though is how much I'm worrying about prom. There is so much more out there than prom. I think I just won't go.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Asianphobia?

Is it possible to develop an irrational fear of your own race? Cause I think I have.
I still love Chinese people and the culture, but I don't think I can be surrounded by a large group of them anymore.
I can still stand my Scout Group and Chinese restaurants because I'm already accustomed to those, but I don't think I would be able to handle anything new.

A friend of mine invited me to take part in a Teen Conference over the March break, but I blatantly refused. Why? Because everyone at the conference would be Asian. Just thinking about being surround by all those Asian youth gave me the heebe geebes. I don't think that's a good thing.

Now that I think about it, even MCBCSL, the 95% asian softball league that I've been a part of for the past three summers, is scaring me. I'm currently re-evaluating my decision to join this year.

I've definitely become too white-washed for my own good.
Is there a way to reverse this phobia?

The ambiguty of Asians and their gender.

Before I begin, I would like to state that I am in no way trying to insult the Asian race. I have the utmost respect for Asians and despite how white-washed I am, I love my culture.

One thing that I've noticed about Asians (and by Asians I mean koren, Chinese and Japanese. Viets and Filipinos don't seem to apply to this. Especially not Filipinos cause they're just like a whole other race all together. More on that later) is that sometimes certain individuals' genders are quite questionable. By questionable I mean, "WTF! He's actually a girl? Though he was a guy!" or vise versa. Now I don't know about you, but that statement of utter shock has flown through my head many times, especially while I was in Hong Kong.

While on a family trip to Hong Kong, my sister and I were riding on the subway when a girl walked into our compartment. After several minutes, my sister nudges me and mutters "hey, look at that person over there. The one that just walked in, standing in front of the door."
"Yeah, what about?"
"Is that a girl or guy?"
"Girl, duh."
"No, it's a guy."
Bewildered and thinking that my sister needed her eyes checked (after all, her prescription is over 1000, she's legally considered blind) I took another look at the girl and after awhile I realized my sister was right, she was actually a he.
He had straight hair to his jawbone that framed his face which had small, girl-ish features, he was wearing a loose, low v-neck shirt (the kind more commonly seen on girls), intensely skinny jeans, carrying a shoulder bag slung over one shoulder like a purse, and I swear it looked like his nails were done. Is it any wonder I thought he was a girl?
After that incident, my sister and I started playing "subway game #2: girl or guy?"

So what is it about Asians that make their gender so ambiguous? I'm thinking that it is...
1) The fact that asian girls have barely-there breast
2) Many male and female fashion items are interchangeable.
3) Fashions include deep v-necks, long, baggy shirts (which hide the barely-there breasts), scarfs, cute hats, baggy button-up shirts.
4) it is fashionable for girls in Eastern Asia to sport short hair cuts
5) it is fashionable for guys to have hair at cheek length.
6) Many asian guys are slender.
7) Asian facial features can be described in one word: small
8) It's fashionable for girls to dress like guys.

Is it any wonder asians suffer from this gender affliction?

Girl or guy?

Thanks to Melodie for giving me the idea to write about this phenomenon waaaaaaaaayyyyyy back, long time ago.

P.S. the person in the picture is a girl. Mindfuck, eh?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Why?

I am drowning.
Why is everything so hard?
How did it end up like this?

With my feet stuck in mud, rain falling in torrents all around me, wind whipping at my face, numb fingers, my jeans soaked from bottom to top, water creeping down to my shoulders, Alan and Patrick digging a trench for the water to flow away from camp, and Dustin using his super fanning powers to keep the fire going.

Most horrendous camping weather EVER.
And yet, I still had fun. I think it's impossible to not have fun during camp. There's just too much going on to not enjoy some aspect of it. Even if it felt like I was going to get hypothermia.

A tree fell down on one of our tents. Thank god no one was in it.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Mission: Personal Space

Don’t you hate it went people don’t respect your personal space? More specifically, the limited desk space you have at school. Like come one, I only have a tiny rectangle to work on, I’d appreciate it if I could have all of that space.

In my data class I sit beside this guy and everyday he opens his textbook and binder and they sprawl all over the desk line onto my own desk. Come on! I have the exact same amount of space as you, and yet you don't see me dumping my stuff onto your desk. I can't say anything to him either cause I don't really know him and I'm afraid I'll sound like a bitch, "Um, excuse me? Can you move your shit off of my desk? MY desk? It's really pissing me off." And I think pushing his books away myself seems too brash. What is a girl to do?

Well after eyeing his invading books for a several minutes, I finally decide to slowly move my desk away from his. Little by little, I shift my desk over, masking the movements with slight shifts and stretching movements with my body. After a while of this, I succeed in clearing some of my desk space, but the edges of his book and binder still linger on my desk.

Then a bit of luck comes my way and he takes his book to look something up… BAM! My elbow goes down on the empty space. That textbook ain’t coming back here, bitch!

One down, one to go. His binder still lingers across the sacred desk line. Eeeee… and I clearly could see a huge empty space on the other side of his desk!

He’s not looking! Quick! Slide his binder over! And with subtle sliding movements, I slip his binder back onto his desk. SUCCESS!

Mission accomplished. I felt so proud of myself.

That only took about 20 minutes. (sarcasm)

And that folks, is how you recapture your personal workspace. =)